My Journal Days from Rehab

Have you ever wandered what a resident of an in-patient rehab thinks of and goes through daily? Well you're in luck because I kept a journal everyday for the 32 days that I was a resident when I stayed at a rehab facility in Kansas City, Kansas. I probably won't share every page, but It's astonishing if you read all that I write from day to day how my mind changes with the way I comprehend everything. My brain was really foggy when I first arrived.

Well, I hope you enjoy it! Note: I just want to say that it's not really easy sharing all of this, but I pray maybe I can help just 1 person who needs help through all my experience. It would really be so great. And I want you to know that I'm changing the name of the facility where I stayed. I will call it "Stars". And everything from my journal will be in red. You will also notice that there are breaks in my daily journals. I would write in my journal when I had time not to be in classes.
Just please remember that every Rehab center is different. And my insurance was going to fly me anywhere in the states that I wanted to go, but I just wanted to stay in Kansas.

I am going to share 3 daily Journal entries everyday until I've read to you my whole journal.

Day 1: I'll start at the hospital. I finally get released from Detox at the hospital, my sister and brother in-law picked me up, took me home to pack my bags for my stay in rehab. After packing, we immediately left my house and took the 3 hour drive to where I would be living the next 32 days or so. okay....well now I'll share my 1st day from my journal with you. uggg, I'm procrastinating LOL

~~~ Arriving at Stars was truly strange. Everything is locked up like you're a convict or been in trouble somehow even though I came here at my own wanting. First, of course upon arrival, I had to take a breathalyzer and urine test to make sure that I wasn't intoxicated and I had to have a Zero level of alcohol in my system. Then I had to leave all of my belongings downstairs to be gone through. Room #341. I finally get to my room and they took over half of my belongings. Not allowed make-up, lotion, pop with caffeine, zero caffeine (I'm so gonna die), no perfume, no hairdryer, no straightener, no hairspray, no mouthwash, no razors, NOTHING! No locks on my bedroom door, no bathroom locks, nothing for privacy. I HATE IT HERE! I'm in prison without the prison bars and orange scrubs. 

Next Morning which in my journal still says Day 1.  Probably because I didn't sleep that night at all.
Happy birthday mom. Isn't it crazy that I'm here on your birthday? I know you're looking down on me from heaven and smiling. Hugs. 
Can you believe this? You get forced to get up at 6 a.m. and if you don't get up after the 2nd knock they yell at you. Then you go straight downstairs 3 floors of stairs to the gym room. Whether you want to work out or not, you're forced to work out 1 hour every morning and if you don't work out then they mark it in your file and turn it into your insurance company so your stay won't be covered. After my wonderful workout that almost killed my overweight fat ass from drinking, you get a 30 minute breakfast. They honestly care more about smokers and vapers because everyone does it, so tobacco addiction is praised and drinking and drugs addiction is "SO WRONG". I hate this place! The lady, whatever sh'es called working on my floor is RUDE. I haven't gotten any depression or anxiety medication yet. My anxiety is through the roof and I think I'm going to freak out. Still no clock in my room so it feels like I'm in a jail cell other than I can look out the window. I am a prisoner. They don't care about you here. They probably have hidden cameras. I just want to sleep but I can't because I know it'll be nightmares all night. No one tells you where you're supposed to go at what time and they didn't even show me around when I got here to give me a tour or show me where anything is at! I have no idea where my classes are or what time and when I asked someone the lady yelled at me and said, "DON'T YOU HAVE A SCHEDULE?" No B! No one told me anything! They are rude to you if you interrupt them cause they are always on their phone texting or talking to the men residents flirting with them. Biggest mistake of my life to try to get sober. Seriously a prisoner. I guess I'll take up smoking just to be able to go outside. It's been a very long 1st day and it did get a little better after I got to call and talk to my family. We get our phones every night from 6 pm-7 pm. I went to my 1st AA meeting tonight and it was okay.  It's time for me to turn in. We will see what has in store for me tomorrow. Goodnight Mom.

As you can see, I wasn't very happy on my first day. They were very strict and I didn't quite understand, well because I had just gotten out of detox and at 50, this was my very 1st time being in a rehab facility. I kind of had a crappy attitude, but I was really needing my medication. Let's see if it get's better.

Day 2: Still waiting to have a clock put in my room so I would maybe feel less like a prisoner. They give you a weekly schedule but if you don't know the time it's impossible to get to where you have to be on time. And if you ask a worker for help where you're supposed to be at they just yell at you for not knowing. I really hate it here. And I AM NOT EXERCISING today because my leg is pounding from where I broke it. I'm so tired today and all I want to do is sleep but I know they won't allow me to. I would do anything right now for a Diet Dr Pepper. I'd even drink a Coke at this point. So, I've finally gotten halfway through the day. I finally got a clock in my room after asking 400 times and getting eye rolls. The horses came today to visit the girl residents and it was very pleasing to work with the horses. But there were 7 of us ladies out there and most of the girls were horse hogs who acted like they were the horse whisperer so I mostly just watched the know it all's. I'm glad I got to get out of the building though for 90 minutes. I'm talking to a few of the other girls here and that's not easy at all with having a social anxiety disorder, but not much other choice being in here. There's always that one girl that thinks she's God's gift. Geez, it's like being in High School all over again. 

Day 3: 

I really don't like some of the night staff here. I tried to ask a night nurse a question about family day coming up and she literally told me off and said that I need to ask my therapist or case worker. THEN, she had the nerve to say, "Well what did you want and what is your question?" I told her, "Well, I'm not telling you now rude! And you're not my therapist remember?" Don't be rude to me and then try to be nosy. Wrong choice. Some of the workers here are only here for a paycheck. Sorry that I made you look up from your phone from texting! I've never seen so many married people in my life cheating on their spouses here with druggies and alcoholics. Good choice! You'll be back here in no time checking in. Why the heck are people here if they're not serious about this? O, yes because it's court ordered for you and I'm here cause I truly need help or I'm going to die. Honestly I don't care what others do around here, but everyone is sharing a space together and it makes it very hard to concentrate on myself when I'm listening to Karen tell Jill that she got laid back behind the greenhouse. Nasty!
Other than that, it was an okay day.

Those are the first 3 days from my journal while I was in rehab. Come back tomorrow for the next 3 days!
Until tomorrow,

xoxoxo, Michelle Neal

Click below to read my next 3 days stay at the rehab facility.