If you can sit in a room full of people and laugh while telling a story about how you abused someone in the past, you might be a narcissist.
Something I heard today really upset me so I decided to make my Tuesday night blog about ignorance.
So, back in March I wrote a blog about my very abusive 13 year LONG marriage to my ex husband. And I will link it right here for you to read after reading this blog to refer back to it. (Not So Picture Perfect Marriage) Or you can read it before this blog, whichever you prefer. So I was in this Verbal, Domestic, Violent, you name it abusive marriage.
At the later end of our 13 year marriage, my ex-husband had caught my hair on fire and had a gun held to my head threatening to kill me and the ONLY thing that saved my life that night was that I lived near a fire department and the firemen heard my screams, seen the fire and as fast as they could, the next thing you know there are FIVE firemen running sprinting as fast as they could to my house to save me.
Now I will tell you about the weekend and what occurred. Sunday was my granddaughters 7th birthday. She's a Friday the 13th baby LOL. So, ALL of my granddaughter's grandparents came to her party. There was me and my husband, My daughter's father and his wife, and my son-in laws mother and her husband there. All the grandparents all under one roof, having fun talking and getting along like grown adults. "Yes you can do this too!" It's super easy to act like adults even when you're not that comfortable with the people you're around. I get along very well with my son-in-laws mom. She's always super nice to me and I've always liked talking to her. I get along with my ex-husbands wife. She's always kind and I also like talking to her. My husband and I even chatted with my ex husband and got a long just fine. And we do it for the grandkids. It's all about them. You have to show them the correct way to act around other family or friends. And just so you know, my ex and I do get along now. We only see each other at the grandkids parties, but I am always decent to him ALWAYS. He is also always decent to me. Through everything he has ever done to me, he's always been good to our daughter and amazing to our grandchildren. I don't hold a grudge towards him at all for the past. Do I have issues now in life because of the abuse he put me through over the years? Absolutely I do! I have forgiven him for the things he's done in the past. I believe he is a great person, but he does have some mental things going on and he's just a real crappy husband/boyfriend. But I still have a right to talk about it, especially if it can help someone else dealing with abuse.
I'm going to guess that this all went down while everyone was outside smoking a cigarette and why I didn't hear any of this said. My husband and I don't smoke cigarettes, but I do vape. But I will tell you.....I'm so very glad that my husband didn't hear this being said. My husband will take up for me in a heartbeat, especially if it has to do with my past and being abused. My ex-husband was sitting outside BRAGGING, LAUGHING, and telling the story to my daughter's friend about what he did to me that night catching my hair on fire. It's a big joke! I guess it can be a big joke to people who don't suffer with PTSD from being abused for YEARS. And I bet he didn't also specify that he had a gun held to my head that night. I bet he also left out the fact that - that was the night I was finally able to get away from a 13 year abusive marriage after the police hauled him to jail!
So many years of his fists hitting me, kicking me, threatening to kill me, dealing with him overdosing on pills trying to kill himself every time I was going to leave, beating me in-front of the kids and even his family, etc. And he can sit there and laugh and tell stories about what he did to me. It was very saddening to hear.
But that goes to show you how these people are who abuse others. If you can sit and laugh about something like that then I will pray for you. Do I have any changed feelings about forgiving him from the past abuse? No, I'm not even angry at him and I will still respect him when I see him. Did it make me sad? Actually yes a little bit did. Treating someone that way for years would make ANY normal person feel ashamed of themselves.
So, I guess what I wanted to say tonight is that, even though I've been out of that marriage for 20 years, I still have issues dealing with anxiety, social anxiety, depression, and I have to take medication to deal with my everyday life now and it's NOT ONE BIT FUNNY.
Don't make fun of people who have mental issues or if they're on medication for something, because that just shows how low you are as a person in your heart and you have no idea what they've been through in their life. And.....laughing about abusing someone in the past is still abusing them!
So until tomorrow, I hope you have a great night and pray for someone you know who might be lost this evening.
xoxoxo, Michelle Neal