Day 7 : I really don't want to go to gym this morning cause I didn't sleep at all with bad dreams and insomnia. Ms hateful worker has pounded on my door to get up 2 times and the 3rd time she barged in yelling at me. I need to turn half these assholes in because they have an authority big head. I dare anyone to ever put a hand on me. They won't fix my meds yet and I know they need fixed. Just ready for phone time tonight. I've been here 7 days and when I get my phone it's fun to see who has text me when I turn on my phone. Dave has never even sent me one text first. And when I do text him, he doesn't text for very long. He's being weird. Better not be cheating. I'm really tired of hearing Chlamydia Karen talk about everyone she sleeps with and OMG did I know she was a stripper?!?! Dear God help me block her mouth from my ears. There isn't enough space in this place. I do pray that she gets the help she needs here but she isn't serious only serious about hooking up with the married guy on floor 2. They are cooking Salmon and this whole place smells like a fish market I'm not eating today! Get me outta here!!!

Day 8: My nightmares came back last night in full force. So scary so bad. Why are they always about demons? This has to go away. Going to gym yay me. This day has been bad. I can't stop crying because of my nightmares. This demon is torturing me. Yelling and screaming in my face. This place used to be a nun convent. There are some bad stories about what happened here. If a nun comes at me I'm going to throat punch her. I'm sure my roomie will help me with that. I'm blessed to have such a nice roommate to talk with. Hope I can get through this day. Med nurse finally came to see me, she increased my anxiety meds to 3 a day instead of 1. Plus she has put me on a nightmare medication. I hope it works I will see. I just got back from AA class and I'm getting better at talking in group. So many people here don't believe in God because they like to blame him for the way their life is but they are the only ones who made the choices that they made. 

Day 9: Today at Star it's been pretty entertaining. The drama here is out of control with the other residents. It's so irritating to try and focus on being here to heal when it's an everyday soap opera. I didn't want to go see the horses today. I don't feel good. And they are forcing me to go. Only a couple girls here are allowed to never show up to horses. It's so hot outside and I still just stand there and watch the horse hoggers. Maybe someone will get kicked today. It would be all worth going. I really miss naps so much. I try to like this place so  much. These people make you want to drink. Everyday it seems lately, 1 person has been leaving this place from how they are treated and because how much trouble the other residents cause. I've taken back my passion for reading so every chance I get that's what I've been doing in my spare time, which is very limited. Overall it was a good day. I haven't missed 1 class, or 1 AA. I bet no one else here has ever done that. I'm awesome.

Thank you for reading my blog,
See you Monday on my next 3 days of rehab.

xoxoxo, Michelle Neal