So, as you read, my first 3 days in rehab were awful. But were they awful because of my attitude or for other reasons? 
Things that you have to remember with an addict.....They are use to being selfish. There was a very slim chance that I would rarely put something else before alcohol. So now, I'm living with rules and being cooped up with so many other people I didn't want to be around. 

Let's go ahead and dive into the next three days of me feeling sorry for myself. LOL

Day 4: I think that I got family day all figured out. Saturday will hopefully be great. My daughter, son-in law and 3 of my grandchildren are going to come and visit me. I already got some letters from my grandkids and my daughter. My sister was actually in KC today so she brought and dropped me off some things. Shes the best sister in the world. I cried for hours because they wouldn't let me see her. But, you know, she could have brought me a keg of beer for me to stash in my pocket or a couple cases of beer. Really retarded. I wanted to hug her so badly. I really need a hug and some reassurance right now. The last time I felt this cooped up was when I was just hiding in my closet when dad was beating on mom. I know God is hugging me but I wished I could feel it. I'm so lonely. I don't even like people, but I feel so lonely. I think I made a mistake coming here. Wish I just would have died before they had a chance to admit me to the suicide unit.

Day 5: I didn't know when I packed to come here how hot it would actually be. Here it is JULY and I packed like I was moving to Antarctica! I packed 4 pairs of sweats, a jacket and only LONG socks. So ignorant. It's like 107 degrees outside and all these chicks around here dress like they're about to go on stage at the local tramp club. Thank God I got to shop online last night at Walmart from my phone at phone time. Another thing the employees didn't tell me! So apparently at phone time between 6-7pm, You can shop local here and get it delivered the next day and it get's delivered to your case worker. I've been here 5 days and haven't even met my case worker yet. This place is horrible and NOT organized, but I was excited to get the package I ordered. I got a pair of Reebok slides, some gym clothes and a nice tank top that dont show my boobs to all the other guys. They also have a hair stylist who comes every Tuesday, so I also signed up to get my hair trimmed. Hopefully that will make me feel better. I doubt it! The workers here suck and don't care a crap about you.

Day 6: Dear Lord please help me. This place is like high school all over again. I don't know if I have the strength to do this. For 6 days I have sat at breakfast alone, lunch alone and dinner alone. I know it's a silly thing Lord but it's just one more time in my life where I'm not accepted by others. Please help me to focus on myself rather than silly things that don't matter. I'm asking you for strength! I need to be brave but sitting there all alone while others laugh and talk in their clicks. I need you now more than ever. Lord Im asking you to wrap your arms around these people and show them what they are here for! Thank you Jesus Amen. 
I finally got to meet my therapist today. Wow, shes a KooKy one. She used to work with only children like the past 15 years, but just got her license so she can be a therapist to adults. I'm pretty sure she needs to see a therapist, not be a therapist. She has set up another session with me tomorrow. Should be interesting. I'm so mad because some of the other women here get treated differently. Half of them never show up to the classes that we have to be at. O yeah, so we have to sign a paper at the beginning at every class to prove we were present for our insurance company or it wont be paid for. But there are 3 ladies here that never show up to classes and just hang out in their room all day. I don't understand but again that's why they will just end right back up in here. Ugh, why is this girl always wearing cut off spandex that shows her taco? I need to be nice. Dear Lord help me be nicer.

Thank you for reading my blog,
See you tomorrow on my next 3 days of rehab.

xoxoxo, Michelle Neal